Chantix: Purveyor of evil, killer of dreams

So as you all know I have intermittently tried to quit smoking. Nothing is quite as motivating as being broke. So with my last day of work quickly approaching and two boxes of Chantix in my bathroom I decided once again to quit because who can afford $6 a pack while looking for a job?

Let's talk about the Chantix for a second. More specifically let's talk about the other things it makes seem unnecessary.

For starters, I like beer and recently I have been enjoying it quite a bit and probably should cut back, but I feel justified at this point. However I have noticed that in the last week I end up feeling bloated and sick to my stomach after what should only be a warm up of drinking. Now this is not a bad thing, but if I'm not drinking my evening away, I'm going to have to find something else to entertain myself. Chantix 1 Karen 0 (I LIKE MY BEER)

Also, and let me assure you, this isn't for the weak of heart, it seems to be affecting my ability to, well for a lack of better words, take care of business. Look, I'm not having sex, so I am my own best friend. When you start interfering with my ability to attain non medicated joy, it's a problem. I might also mention here that the Chantix box says nothing about curing alcoholism and curbing masturbation. I looked. Twice. Chantix 2 Karen 0

Then, the other night, in my non-buzzed dreams, I went to a lot where the Home depot is only it was a giant lot, and people were swimming and 4-wheeling in it (it rained that day). I ran into some friends, and they invited me to a party. Now in the dream I had my older daughter with me and the younger one was at my neighbors. So we go to this party and I see my college boyfriend (who I haven't seen in 15 years) and he hands me a gift and professes his undying love for me in front of his best friend. The gift was a hand made retainer (for my teeth) and his best friend was Ron Weasly from the Harry Potter movies. Decision Chantix.

Shoot me.

Per Leslie

If I have to take anesthesia to sleep go ahead and shoot me.

I am right on top of it! I think I will be glad when today is over. My apologies to anyone who is feeling true loss on this day, but I think I might a little more on the "Let's move on" bus.

So I spent this weekend with a guest. Who you ask? (You know you did) Apparently Martha fing Stewart moved in when I wasn't looking. After a really super trip to prison on Friday (don't ask, it was horrifying) I woke up with special energy on Saturday. I decided that this was the weekend that I was going to finish all of my unfinished projects. Sadly, Leslie's blankie isn't home yet, and didn't get in on the festivities. So after going about 50 places to get all of my supplies, I returned home and proceeded to make three braided head band for the young one, and super kick ass blankie for her as well, a couple of insanely simple purses with bamboo handles and finally some Poppy seed bread with lemon glaze for the BBQ at the neighbors.

If I were a good crafter or a good blogger, I would have had pictures before I posted this, however since I am neither, you will have to wait until tomorrow.

Finally I got to go back to the pool yesterday. I haven't been since the beginning of June, because I have had to work my ass off to get all of the patients done before the big move/losing of job next week. I find it terribly amusing that these people want me to work my fat ass off for NOTHING and then...oh look...we can get the doses...sorry...only two patients a day...I'll be at the pool....hope you all have fun!

I'm not bitter, what makes you ask that?

Patriotism has a whole new meaning

1. I couldn't be any fucking sicker of hearing about Michael Jackson if I tried. I read yesterday that people were killing themselves over this. Is this what it was like when Elvis died? Seriously, he died. He OD'd. For heavens sakes, can we move on.

2. I spent nearly 4 hours yesterday trying to figure out how many hours I can take at Juco from the comfy confines of my house and I was impressed. Who knew you could take speech online??? Does it make me a recluse if I am doing everything possible to not step on campus?

3. It's 4th of July weekend. Time to bust out your bandannas and your "good" wife beaters. I will be attending a BBQ at the neighbors, but secretly I wish I was going to be shooting paintball guns and drinking beer at Leslie's house. Only problem with that is she hates the 4th of July...guess I'll just go to the BBQ. Try not to blow yourselves up.

4. Amy is going to Hong Kong. For good. Like moving there. In 12 days. Who is going to finish my sentences for me?

5. Baby Daddy can send email now. I know, it's weird. Evidentally the state believes it will cut down on contraband by doing away with snail mail. Good luck with that kids. I will say it's rather convenient. However I may have to watch what I say because God only knows how much other access they have.

6. I am 15 days away from what I am now referring to as my extended vacation. KathiD was kind enough to offer to let the girls and I move in with her! Thanks KathiD. We'll be there in August and really we have no reason to ever leave. Did I mention Noodles was coming too? If not sorry for the short notice!


NOTE: When I was done writing this I went to yahoo images to look for a picture of a half naked soldier you know, to show my patriotism. Well if a hundred pound asian guy pulling on his monkey in a sailor hat is your kind of thing let me know, otherwise sorry, no picture, just South Park.

PPS Thanks Melissa for fixing my 4th!

Need a laugh?

OK. Yes Michael Jackson dies. It's sad. I loved Billie Jean, but seriously, he was a freak who thought he was Peter Pan, mourn and move on. Farrah died. Farrah died from anal cancer. Enough said. Billy Mays died from a head trauma on that crazy flight to Tampa. I need to know who is going to be selling me Oxyclean now.

The other day I was over at Pretty on the Outside, which I love, and he had a link to a site called Texts From Last Night. I have to tell you that I have spent days nearly doubled over in my office laughing my ass off. Little nuggets like...

(512): The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
(319): Yes. For all mankind please do.

(303): Billy Mays died!
(1-303): I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?

(416): dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
(647): well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun

I could go on for hours. If you want or need to laugh today, go check this out!

I'm just completely shocked

I really can't believe Jon & Kate are getting divorced. I mean in all honesty, I am absolutely surprised that one or both of them haven't actually just skipped the courts and moved right on to justifiable homicide. Have you seen this shit?

She is a mean spirited hag of a woman who makes me look like the patron saint of all things sweet and nice. I have treated the men in my life badly at times (OK really badly) but I have never held a candle to that woman. I guess maybe I'm just jealous of her absolute control and oh let's not forget, her tidy little paycheck she gets for exploiting her children.

I saw a special during the dark phase in which it became apparent that she had been planning this all along. Whether she meant to have 6 six at once or not, it was creepy how much video footage they had compiled BEFORE THE SEXTUPLETS WERE BORN! I think she's insane on an "I have to turn away now" level.

As for him...no woman likes a man with no balls. I don't care how many times I say I want to be in control, the simple fact is that if my balls are bigger than yours, there are going to be some rather serious problems. I don't blame him for cowering, but it really isn't attractive. I also don't blame him for having an affair. I wonder if it wasn't a passive aggressive way to get the hell out with the least amount of physically damage.

I reeeallllyyyyy wander what they are going to call the show now? Kate & Eight and all of Jon's money? How about Kate makes enough and travels too much so Jon got the kids and the support? Help me out kids.

Thoughts,concepts, and ideas

Hi! Remember me? Yeah well, me neither. I have been sucked into this giant abyss of crap. I still have no job after July 17th, and that is really scary. So for the last 6 weeks I have done nothing but obsess about my soon to be homelessness and joblessness and all around no longer carefreeness.

Being carefree is what makes me funny. Being funny, or at least trying, is why I write this blog. I want blog friends who have similar senses of humor. When you are not feeling funny, it's hard to write. I thought surely I was a lock for the job in Hutch....and that's what I get for thinking. I was offered no explanation for why they chose someone else, and I suspect it was money. The thing that would have been nice though was if I hadn't had to wait two and a half weeks.

So why am I back you ask? Well, I'm a little more carefree than I have been. By the grace of God (or my parents depending on your faith) I don't have to sell my house....yet. I have to try to sell it, but I don't have to move before it's sold unless I get a job. Originally, the plan was to just leave when I lost my job and move in with them. Now, I'm just going to hang out in the country until it sells. I have a severance package and 39 weeks of unemployment. That adds up to 52 weeks that I can live! So with that said, I'm back.



***have any of my smoker friends noticed that your cigarettes have started putting themselves out at random? Not random, they are "fire safe" which sounds a bit like an oxymoron to me, but whatever. Apparently enough people set themselves and their homes on fire that now cigarettes put themselves out. It suck shit in my opinion!



This always makes me smile!!!

Karen is losing her job

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Let's recap. I put my house on the market in early April. I'm selling it as is because I had a water problem in the basement and no money to fix it. So I disclose all of this and this dumb ass couple makes an offer complete with letter explaining how they understood everything that was going on blah blah blah 25000 less than asking price. I took it because they stated they knew what was going on and yada yada yada they back out 9 days later.

This was right about the time the washer broke.

So then on April 25th we had had the great truck debacle which ended with me having to tell me parents that I couldn't sell my truck because well, there is a loan against it. It just kept getting better.

Then the mother of all bullshit. I get a call from Toe on the 1st of May asking me whats going on at my office. I tell her I have no idea. She tells me they sold the practice. I almost swallowed my tongue. You see I am contract help. I am employed by a separate company. So after calling everyone I could think of, I spent the weekend fearing, but knowing what was coming. For a week no one would give me an answer. My boss didn't have the cancellation letter so who knew what was up. The office wouldn't give me a straight answer until that Thursday, yes Karen, yes we severed the contract , oh but hey you sure can apply to the hospital in LIBERTY. It's like an hour away, but I think OK whatever I have to move anyway, but then it comes out that they aren't hiring a Nuc Med tech and so yes to put it bluntly I am fucked.

Then Amy tells me there is an opening at Hutch, where I am from, where my parents live, where lots of people I love live. So I applied and now I wait. So yeah, that's what I've been up too, although I will say that I spent the night at Leslie on Friday and she bought me a birthday cake and to top it off, to my knowledge there weren't any accidents!